Time Projectile

It's that time of year again...a time for new beginnings. 

2011 has been an interesting ride, to say the least. The year kicked off with a breathtaking hello - and a heart-wrenching goodbye -from Jonny's long awaited journey across the pond. I watched family members and friends commit to their partners through matrimony, have insanely cute babies, build homes, and start careers. I stood by proudly, watching from the sidelines, as each friend set off to do whatever it took to make their dreams come true. 

I started and stopped projects, took classes here and there, but in the end got nowhere. That's okay...you can't succeed without failing, right? "I failed my way to sucess," as Thomas Edison put it. But...what exactly was I trying to achieve? What are my dreams, really? I don't think I ever stopped to think about what I really wanted to do, I mostly just assumed. "I've liked clothes and fashion since I was little, so that's what I'm going to do," is what I've always told myself. I put in the work - my blood and tears - to learn the technical side of the industry. I loathed and loved it all the same. Problem? I don't think I loved it enough, and I realized that when I found myself refusing to move for jobs and putting off projects. 

So...what then? I played wandering leaf in the wind for awhile, floating around to random tasks but never making anything of them. I was frustrated. Everything was agitating. My fuse was so short it was almost non-existent. I didn't want to DO anything. Everything that came out of my mouth was offensive. My poor parents (Jonny, too) had to put up with my BS.

I was losing my figurative shit.

I decided to stop. If things kept up, they'd only spiral more out of control than they already were, and I'd be greeting depression with open arms. I closed myself off, especially from my friends. I didn't respond to conversation. Social networking sites? Whatever. I certainly didn't blog on here, obviously. 

My mind was going a mile in minute. Scratch that, it was running a damn triathlon. Instead of emphasizing what I didn't have, I started thinking about what I did have: unconditional love and support from my amazing parents, a roof over my head, a car, the cutest dog in the world, a closet full of clothes enough to last me a lifetime, and bills I didn't have to pay for on my own. Basically...a bunch of things offered to me on a silver platter. Basically...I was being a whiny spoiled brat. Then it hit me: I got things way too easily without working hard for them. Evidence is in the pictures above. Criticize away. My parents work hard for their money, so where the heck do I get off barely trying? Since when did I lose focus on who I was? I used to be gung-ho about anything I set my mind to. 

Where does this leave me for 2012?

1. Bettering my health (mentally and physically): Cutting out all heavily processed products and going organic. Less coffee. Less meat. More water. More veggies. Power walks. Yoga. 

2. Support myself: Setting out to accomplish my goals with a vengeance. No more slacking. This is the year I start my career. No more relying on my parents for...everything.

3. Temper, temper: Extend my patience...by a lot. 

4. Hold my judgements.

5. Dedicate more time to the charities and non-profits I support.

6. Learn, learn, learn: Take more classes, read more books.

7. Less excuses.

8. Spend more time with friends: Honestly, I've been crap at it.

9. Get rid of my crap. Serious clutter in my house.

10. Be happy.

I have a good feeling about 2012.

"Happy New Year", indeed.

Namaste.